And I never wanted anything from you.
Except everything you had, and what was left after that to. oh.

<3

Summer2010

I was nervous about this summer. Mainly because i spent last summer with someone who i no longer speak to and was worried these memories would taint how i view this summer.




So far. Its even better than last year.


Happy doesn't cover how i feel right now <3

:)

Will somebody please surgically remove :) this from my face?!

Liar Liar, Pants on Fire

I don't really pour my heart and soul into my blog. I like the things in my life which are private to remain just that. So this blog will be a bit different to my other, rambling light-hearted entries.


Its fair to say I'm a very paranoid person and I hate the feeling that people are talking about me behind my back. So its understandable that I feel quite sick when someone tells me they themselves have been speaking about me to someone else. Worse when the things they are saying are lies.

Lord knows I'm not perfect. But -

I'm not an unreasonable jealous freak.
I'm not possessive.
I don't try and control people's friendships.
I'm not a bully.

It's sly to tell people things about me which I have said in confidence to the other person. Its plain disrespectful to tell them half the story. Perhaps it would be better to mention all the things they said, all the things they did...All of which I haven't mentioned to anymore. Silly me thinking the things that happen between two people stay that way . Storming out my house in a jealous rage because I was talking about one of my male friends. Telling me I was the only girl they could think about. Talking about a summer together. Spending alternate weekends together. Being told that no other girl even came close to me. Starting something again which they were 100% sure they wanted. Telling me they cannot stop thinking about me.

Conveniently forgets to leave this out their tale.

I don't think its fair to slander people when they don't have the opportunity to defend themselves.

I'm not a perfect person. I am far from it. I make countless mistakes everyday.
My biggest being falling for the same person over and over again, no matter how many times they dispose of me, they crook their finger and I can't help but run back. Not anymore.

It may seem petty to be writing this blog, and maybe it is.
But I won't be lied about. I won't be made to look like a freak who cannot let go. I won't be portrayed as an unreasonably jealous and possessive person. There are two sides to every story, and this time mine will be heard as well.

Go ahead. Make my Millennium.

A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.






Well i just laughed for about 100 years. Good times. :)

There's no place like home..

These past few weeks, Worcester has really been losing its charm.

It used to be a sanctuary, a place where I could escape the vile, miscreants that live in West Bromwich. And to a point it is...

I love taking walks in Worcester, not waking up opposite a factory, not feeling like I'm going to get stabbed while taking a simple bus journey to town, no HAVING to get a bus everywhere you go...

But the reality of Worcester is that it is not home. Not anymore.

This time last year the thought of leaving Worcester tore me apart, three months away from the place and the people who changed my life. The people who had respect for me and the people who treated me different than i have been treated before.

This year I cant wait to get home. Away form the hypocrisy of people, the selfishness, the vanity, people who think the world revolves around them. People who only want you when they need something.

I truly am looking forward to next year and the amazing house I have lined up for me. I just think the best place for me right now is the place I detest, with my friends and family. <3

Lets hope Worcester can improve next year...

Creative Writing YOU WHORE

I had to write a formal poem, and i chose an elegy (poem to someone who has died)

I have called it "Tombe" which is "Fallen" in french :)

Enjoy...



Tombé

I sit and I wait for you to appear
Yet nothing, no sign, how could you forget?
I expect I’ll fold under the weight of my tears
Crushed by the promise you were too careless to have met

They lead me gently, vows still in hand
Down past the pews and the exquisite stained glass
Whispering explanations I cannot understand
Reason’s to why there won’t be a mass

I only catch glimpses of their carefully placed words
Hit, may be critical, hole in his lung
I remove my veil yet awareness remains blurred
Trying to speak without possession of my tongue

Refusing to watch them intrude on your purgatory,
I allow myself to be swept into the churning of lights
To escape the parade, standing by so cautiously
Empathetic thoughts for the lady in white

It does not take long for them to establish you’re deceased
And abruptly they strip me of my untainted white dress
Replacing with a uniform; dark, sullen and creased
Appropriate really, designed to depress

I think they’re expecting me to fall apart completely
For my broken heart to effortlessly consume
However I’m afraid I cannot talk about you so sweetly
You did not fulfil your duty as a breathing bridegroom

You allowed yourself to be vulnerable, you didn’t escape death
Your self-centred actions have left me alone
I have not a husband, a companion to share breath
I have only empty words, etched on a gravestone