Blog Virginity being broken in 5...4...3...2...1...BLAST OFF

Sooo...

Figured its about time i take Lube's advice and start my own blog. I could be a bloggy genious and nobody would know! So i figure i'll just write whats on my mind right now.

I think...and do i dare say it...? Im...Happy! I know its shocking these days. Oh trust me im not saying that my life is perfect, or that it is remotely above average. But maybe sometimes we just need to be thankful for the average shit life gives us. I had a shockingly bad 2009. Which was shockingly good at the same time. How can you have the best year of your life yet it be the most amazing experience you have ever been given??

Do i regret anything?

...erm

Nope. Sometimes i think i do. Sometimes i think WHY GOD WHY but right now, at 3am on a Monday morning (start of the week miss cole :D) i dont. There were times i regretted coming to uni and wished i had made the decison to go somewhere differnet than Worcester. But nope. Now i feel happy. Probably not happy in the same way other people feel it. I think when people hear the words "I'm happy" - they either think you're a) lieing or b) drunk. But i am.

Sure i wish things had happened last year the way they did. Sure i wish my thighs were a little smaller. Sure i wish my breasts didn't keep my knees company. But I have reached some euphoric place ( ok maybe not euphoric ) where i just feel...content. And i have reached a conclusion which i think is AMAZING.

And here it is. ( i know you're waiting in baited breath )

I feel sorry for people who haven't had their hearts broken...:O:O:O!?!?!?!?

I know mad right?

But it just means to me that if you havent experienced your heart being broken , you cant have felt what its like to be truely in love with someone. And that for me is just something which can shape you. If last year, i hadn't had my heart broken...i wouldn't be the Maria i am now. I wouldn't be as happy and i wouldn't be half as strong. So i just want to say to the people i know who are feeling low, and down, and regretting meeting that person who broke their heart...dont. Thank them. :)

Easy for me to say right? I still AM in love and have a boyflend. But before you feel sorry for yourself. Before you see an alley with only you in, take a step back. Think. There are people who go through their lives without getting in too deep. Without feeling they would throw themselves in front of a bus for someone. Without crying themselves to sleep over someone. And i dont envy that. I feel sorry for them. I learnt more about myself than i ever could being hurt. And though it still does hurt from time to time, i dont regret it for a second.

So yes. Im Happy. Truely and honestly. Right this second im happy. Could change in the next 24hrs haha but right now im feeling pretty good. I wish more people could do this, look at whats good, instead of whats bad. Think of the good people do for you, instead of the things they dont. 2010 may have had a shakey start, but i believe in fate and i believe its going to be one hell of a year.

Why this spurt of happiness?

Maybe its cause i have amazing friends. Truely amazing friends. Friends who make me laugh and care. Maybe its cause i have an amazing family. Family who bend over backwards to make sure im ok. Maybe its cause im in love. That sort of head over heels love which isn't perfect but its the imperfections which make it all the more real. Or maybe its simply because im fed up of reading facebook and twitter status's which are so damn negative. Take a look at the bigger picture. And smile :)

aaaand i think thats a wrap <3

ps. i made the mistake of reading this back and realised it doesnt make sense. but hey thats just me im a stream of consciousness just waiting to be put into words (just maybe not in the right order)