I do believe that the things that happen to us, happen to us for a reason. That they are intended to shape us as people.
My belief has been challenged today.
Why do bad things happen to good people??
Like constant bad things. Not even a glimmer of something positive.
I sit here writing this cryptic blog letting out the emotion i didn't want to show today, put a brave face on for the people i love.
My parents are the biggest inspiration i have ever had.
They deserve better than the shit fate is dealing them.
Sort it out, yeah fate?
Wednesday 31 March 2010
Monday 29 March 2010
Easter
Its funny, well not funny. Actually if you laugh at my situation you're a bit of a r'tard. But its weird, that it's exactly a year since things when shit for me last year.
Exactly a year ago I couldn't eat/sleep/.
Exactly a year ago the panic attacks got worse.
Exactly a year ago I cried whenever I was alone.
And its exactly a year later I start to feel like myself again.
The weird thing?
The weird thing is that I've been hurt worse than I ever thought possible THIS year, worse than last year. And I feel like I'm jinxing it by saying it, but I'm starting to move on.
I mean I could be fooling myself, and it could all come rushing back and make me want to sit in the river and stay there. But right now. Feeling like Maria Allen :). I have to go through it each day, the "shiiiit that sucks" feeling. But with the help of some very good friends and some even better family I'm getting through it.
Anyway, the reason I'm writing this blog, is because the way I feel reminds me of my favourite poem. Its not really a "proper" poem by English Lit standards. But I memorised it when I was like...6. Ridiculous how I can relate to a children's poem so much aye?
'Who Nibbles the Moon?'
Who Nibbles the Moon? Who takes a bite?
Out of its roundness, night by night.
Till nothings left but a crust and then...
Who bakes the Moon all over again?
And hangs it up all round and bright,
Ready for someone...to nibble and bite
<3
Exactly a year ago I couldn't eat/sleep/.
Exactly a year ago the panic attacks got worse.
Exactly a year ago I cried whenever I was alone.
And its exactly a year later I start to feel like myself again.
The weird thing?
The weird thing is that I've been hurt worse than I ever thought possible THIS year, worse than last year. And I feel like I'm jinxing it by saying it, but I'm starting to move on.
I mean I could be fooling myself, and it could all come rushing back and make me want to sit in the river and stay there. But right now. Feeling like Maria Allen :). I have to go through it each day, the "shiiiit that sucks" feeling. But with the help of some very good friends and some even better family I'm getting through it.
Anyway, the reason I'm writing this blog, is because the way I feel reminds me of my favourite poem. Its not really a "proper" poem by English Lit standards. But I memorised it when I was like...6. Ridiculous how I can relate to a children's poem so much aye?
'Who Nibbles the Moon?'
Who Nibbles the Moon? Who takes a bite?
Out of its roundness, night by night.
Till nothings left but a crust and then...
Who bakes the Moon all over again?
And hangs it up all round and bright,
Ready for someone...to nibble and bite
<3
Tuesday 9 March 2010
THIRD ENTRY??? Now this is just getting ridicilous!
Ok.
Last post of the night I swears it!!
I had to write a free verse poem from a list of 100 things I like.
I like this one :-)
"Anticipation"
I'm walking home when it firsts hits me.
The air lightly laced with the familiar odour.
As I get closers, the aroma begins to work,
Making its way through my senses.
Clinging to my nostrils, filling my head with its scent.
I pick up my pace.
Excitement pounds through me.
The smell gets stronger, more potent.
My mouth begins to water.
I'm not even through the front door and I know...
Mom's making curry tonight!!!
Love you all <3
Last post of the night I swears it!!
I had to write a free verse poem from a list of 100 things I like.
I like this one :-)
"Anticipation"
I'm walking home when it firsts hits me.
The air lightly laced with the familiar odour.
As I get closers, the aroma begins to work,
Making its way through my senses.
Clinging to my nostrils, filling my head with its scent.
I pick up my pace.
Excitement pounds through me.
The smell gets stronger, more potent.
My mouth begins to water.
I'm not even through the front door and I know...
Mom's making curry tonight!!!
Love you all <3
Second entry of the night...WHATS OCCURING?
So I have to right some free verse poetry. Which I'm honestly terrible at.
But here is my first.
"The Pessimistic Optimistic"
I say I'm numb, that I feel nothing.
However, in truth...I feel everything.
Trying to remember that time I was whole.
But was it merely an illusion?
Those times I was complete,
When the sun had stole its way into my heart,
I could have been dreaming.
The problem with dreams, is that you always wake up.
And I know that now, I am no longer asleep.
He is not worthy of my poetry.
Sonnets pining for affection.
The sun will rise again.
And this time, I'll be awake to see every minute of it.
2 hours and 7 drafts. Ho hum pigs bum :)
But here is my first.
"The Pessimistic Optimistic"
I say I'm numb, that I feel nothing.
However, in truth...I feel everything.
Trying to remember that time I was whole.
But was it merely an illusion?
Those times I was complete,
When the sun had stole its way into my heart,
I could have been dreaming.
The problem with dreams, is that you always wake up.
And I know that now, I am no longer asleep.
He is not worthy of my poetry.
Sonnets pining for affection.
The sun will rise again.
And this time, I'll be awake to see every minute of it.
2 hours and 7 drafts. Ho hum pigs bum :)
Curry
I love my creative writing module. It allows me to write poetry like this...
"I like Currraaaaaay" by Maria Allen
(dedicated to the fellow lovers of curry and inventors of the world famous curry song..Mr Tom Willis and Mr William Darling)
There's one thing I want I'll have it if I can
(I know what you're thinking...Alan Rickman?)
Its easy to make, but hard to make good,
I can honestly say its my favourite kind of food!
I'm talking about curry, packed full of spice,
You can eat it with poppadoms, naan bread or rice!
My Mom makes the best curries, all from scratch
When I go home she saves me a batch.
She said, using sauce from a jar is just plain lazy
So crack out those spices and make a Jalfrezzi!
The hotter the better she likes to think,
Just a shame when you eat them, you start to stink.
My speciality is mixing Korma and Tikka.
(Put a lid on the saucepan, I swear it cooks quicker)
From creamy to tangy, I love what curry brings!
Just beware after eating, your arse is going to sting!
Fuck the Italians, they can keep their Salami!
Ask me anyday, I'll prefer chicken biryani!
I love curry :-) Its why I wrote this poem...
But I had a Balti earlier...so to the toilet I be going!
"I like Currraaaaaay" by Maria Allen
(dedicated to the fellow lovers of curry and inventors of the world famous curry song..Mr Tom Willis and Mr William Darling)
There's one thing I want I'll have it if I can
(I know what you're thinking...Alan Rickman?)
Its easy to make, but hard to make good,
I can honestly say its my favourite kind of food!
I'm talking about curry, packed full of spice,
You can eat it with poppadoms, naan bread or rice!
My Mom makes the best curries, all from scratch
When I go home she saves me a batch.
She said, using sauce from a jar is just plain lazy
So crack out those spices and make a Jalfrezzi!
The hotter the better she likes to think,
Just a shame when you eat them, you start to stink.
My speciality is mixing Korma and Tikka.
(Put a lid on the saucepan, I swear it cooks quicker)
From creamy to tangy, I love what curry brings!
Just beware after eating, your arse is going to sting!
Fuck the Italians, they can keep their Salami!
Ask me anyday, I'll prefer chicken biryani!
I love curry :-) Its why I wrote this poem...
But I had a Balti earlier...so to the toilet I be going!
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